The Last Day
by DiamondScales
Summary: Lightning goes to find Fang with the last day of the universe for some sexy fun times.
1. A Hell of a Mood Killer

Hi everyone. This is my first fic in a while, so I hope you enjoy it. I know it says comedy AND romance. Well the romance/smut is coming. And as for the comedy... Well, that's what reviews are for I guess. Also, this is a sequel to one of my old fics "Giving Ground". So read that as well, especially if you like this one.  
Enjoy!

ps: Yeah, this is based on the events of Lightning Returns, which I haven't actually finished yet. So some things may not be accurate in the canon, blahdeblah. Honestly, if FangXLight was a real thing in FFXIII Squeenix would have sold SOOOOO many more copies.

* * *

I had 13 days to save as many people as I could; believe it or not, I saved everyone in 12.  
_  
All the intractable NPC's anyway._

I don't care about all the rest of them. They never say a word, or they just squawk the same shit over and over at me. It gets annoying.

_True dat._

Anyway, what does one do with one day left?

_Fuck like little, biddy bunny wabbits._

Exactly. Thus began my trek to the Dead Dunes to find Fang again. Last time we caught up I was all, you know, deprived of human emotion, and she was all, lets save my oldest friend from killing herself by being a conduit for millions of screaming souls.

_Not a good time for sexy times._

Yeah, well, now with my emotions back, anytime is a good time for sexy times.

_Yeah, how'd that happen?_

Dunno. Anyway, now that I have my emotions back, and Vanille isn't dead, or in imminent danger of being so, I figured a soiree with Fang is the only way to spend my last 24 hours. Even with Hope watching.

_Ohohohoho! I didn't think of that. So much masturbation._

No kidding, the Ark is gonna be like a spiders nest by the time he's done.

_As in, with all the sticky white stuff on the walls?_

Yea.. Yes. I, you don't need to explain my own joke to me. Anyway, we should get moving.

* * *

_This place is as sandy as I remember it._

That's no joke. The Dead Dunes are nothing but sand, buildings waiting to be turned into sand by the onward march of time, and lots of drunken bandits. The monsters, thankfully, steered clear Ruffian, where the previously mentioned drunken bandits made home. And, of course, the desert sun, even at 6 in the morning, was hot enough to dull my libido.

_No it isn't.  
_Yeah, well, no. But if something could, it would be this sun.

_What about Snow's big hairy dick in your face?_

Yep, that'd also do it.

_What about Snow and Hope fucking while watching a recording of you and Fang?_

Again. Plenty to stop my sexy times.

_What about Chocolina joining in?_

What, with Snow and Hope?

_No, with you and Fang._

That'd be alright.

_What the fuck? She is a chocobo lady! She has wings and everything!_

They are wing-arms, and her tits are huge. So…

_Still counts as bestiality._

No it doesn't.

_Yeah it does._

Nope.

_Yup._

ENOUGH. I would happily welcome Chocolina into our little party, but she's probably catching up with Sazh.

_I'm gonna tell Fang that you were happy to engage in bestiality._

It's not and you can't. You don't get to use my mouth.

_I can tell her with my eyes. Every time she looks into your eyes, she'll see a foxy chicken lady staring back at her._

You done?

_Fucking was the only thing, the only thing I was good at. But, at least I always fucked for what I believed in.  
_

_I'm done._

Sweet. Now where is Fang?

_Don't ask me, apparently, I'm not allowed to use our eyes._

I rolled my eyes.

_Did you just roll your eyes at me!?_

Well you definitely didn't.

_I'm giving you a death stare, in case you couldn't tell._

I couldn't.

_…_

Now back to Fang. I should ask around.

"Hey, you. Where is the boss?"

"Wha?*hic*"

"The boss. Fang. Where is she right now."

"*Hic*I think she is *hic* in her office. *hic*"

"Thanks. Hey, lay-off the drink will ya? I don't want you dying from alcohol poisoning before the end of days."

No response. Well, he's a charmer.

_…_

Hey come on. You love making fun of NPC's.

_Oh, were you talking to someone? I couldn't tell. I can't use OUR ears or OUR eyes._

Oh fuck! You can alright! Just give it a rest. I don't want you being a sourpuss when we finally see Fang again. It'll bring the whole mood down.

_Sorry. I'll try to be a better deaf, blind, and mute voice in your head._

Motherfucker, I will put my head in a bucket of cold water!

_Our head._

FU…

_Kidding!_

Damn straight.

_To the right, and down the hall at the end of the entrance hall right?_

Yeah.

…

_Walk. Why aren't you walking? Do you know how to walk?_

Shut up. I'm getting myself in the mood.

_I thought we were already in the mood. That's why you got here so fast. And that's why your fun place is already throbbing and wet._

I was hoping that this would be a romantic reunion. So, you know. I don't want to dive in there tongue first you know? I want to be able to say something smooth and romantic.

_Our other friend down there says different._

She never stops saying that. Just be quiet all right? Give me a minute to think.

_…_

…

I start the long walk to Fangs "office". Down the stone halls, past the drunkards partaking in every carnal pleasure under Bhunivelze's good sun; and several that should only be allowed in moonlight.

_I honestly didn't know you could do __**that **__with __**that.**_

Yeah, if you get enough of it you can.

_Evidently…._

With every step, my heart starts racing faster, the carefully planned words seemed to flicker and slip around in my head, til I wasn't sure what words even were anymore. Finally, I arrived at her door. Her big, wooden door. The big, hard, wooden door.

_Ummm…I thought we had sorted out the whole, which horse do I bet on thing? Which parade I dress up for? Whether we follow Blitzball or Netball?_

I was being descriptive.

_Whether we like the honey or the stick?_

Hehe.

_You liked that one?_

Yeah.

_Welp, I've broken the ice for you, now do the thing._

Alright. I open the door (I know how to knock I just don't feel like it) and I see Fang. As radiant and sexy as ever.

"It took you long enough."

* * *

Hi again everyone, thanks for reading. Reviews are always welcome. And also, I put some Frozen, and MGS1 references in there for giggles. Any fans should get them right away. Holla if you do :D


	2. Demonic Tendencies

Alright, new chapter! Hope everyone likes it, it gets kind of darkish at the very end, but nothing terribly explicit. So, anyway, enjoy.

* * *

Fang was completely naked, sitting in a, and her feet up on a. She was surrounded by and. There were everywhere, and the stench of was overpowering.

_Hi, in case anyone was wondering, Lightning is having a bit of hard time with the whole situation she just walked into. So I'm probably going to be doing a lot of the talking for a while, mmmkay?_

Fang was completely naked, sitting on a large, somewhat fat, and hairy man on all fours, with her feet resting on the face, yeah the face, of some loli-girl. She was surrounded by men and women, ranging from, get out of my face you pervert to I'd hit that on the Lightning scale of attractiveness. There were discarded clothes everywhere, and the stench of sex and sweat was overpowering.  
Fang had seen Light as she was walking in, reprimanded her for being late, and immediately reapplied her lips to a rather attractive red-heads tit. No-one else in the room looked to the door.

"Guh."

_What is the meaning of this? Was what she meant to say. No-one payed any mind. The girl supporting Fang's feet with her face was licking them the way a dog licks a bone covered in blood, as in, a lot and feverently. Clearly Fangs skin was valuable real estate, as everyone clamoured to be close enough to stroke, or kiss, or lick, or bite, or all of the above. This had lead to a rather complicated situation, as they were all contorted in such a way I had not thought possible, or at the very least, particular comfortable._

"Mmmzah?"

_Why are all these people here? Again, not great with unexpected developments our Lightning. I should mention that no-one was jacking off, and there was no hint of anyone having done so, except for Fang of course. She was working her fingers in her crotch like a piston in a steam engine. I imagine its some sort of dominatrix thing, but I don't really know as yet. I'm in Lightning's head, not Fang's. Oh, and as you could imagine, that rather well-endowed red head getting her tits sucked knew exactly how lucky she was, and wasn't shy in letting everyone know in as many four letter words and moans as possible. Here, let me give you a sample._

"Oh fuck! Yessss, ohhhhhhhhh! Thank you! Fuck, GOOOOODDDDDD…."

_It goes on like that. Not terribly exciting stuff._

"F-Fang?"

_Ooooh, Lightning talks. Let's listen._

"Fang?"

_Huh._

"Fang?"

_For the record, Fang has shown no signs of acknowledging Lightning since she first walked in the room._

"Fang?"

_Now, if it was me, I would have grabbed whatever sword we happened to be wearing at the moment and skewered the redhead, the loli girl, then whoever was closest to the fun bits in descending order of fun and proximity. Lightning however, seemed perfectly content to keep repeating her lovers name while her sword hung limply at her side. And it was the only limp thing in the room, I swear to God, the restraint of the men to not start busting everywhere is remarkable. I mean, ignoring Fang, there is a whole bunch of reaaaally hot chicks in this room, and then, of course there was Fang. Tanned skin, brilliantly formed breasts, dark hair slicked to her scalp with sweat, and a face that could say "Fuck you", or "Fuck me" a million different ways._

"Fang?"

_Alrighty, this is really getting nowhere fast. Alright peeps, I'm gonna be taking control of the moving and talking bits for a while. While I do that, just imagine Lightning crying in the corner of her mind, saying "Fang" over and over again. Kay, here goes._

"Eat steel motherfuckers."

Badass right? I pull out my sword and, with the **blunt **side, start laying into everyone laying into Fang. For every swing there is a meaty smack of hard steel on soft flesh, with the occasional crunch as I hit face. Now, I know I haven't been doing much of the swinging lately, but this is still really weird. No-one flinches, no-one stops, they all just keep going at it like I had never even bothered to whip out a weapon fit for killing Gods and started hitting them with it. The red head girl, who got a solid hit in the face, fell down, but got right back up, and this time, straddled Fang so she could bury Fangs face between her tits.

It's at this point, as I look between my sword, wondering if perhaps it was made of sponge, and the scene unfolding before me that I noticed their eyes; all of them, bar none, had a kind of vacant stare going on. Not the look I'm used to when it comes to sexy fun times. Now, at this point I'm inclined to call rape, and turn my blade around and start using the fun side. But…

"They've been at this for a while now."

Fucking Lumina. Apart from the fact that she is a little devil child, whenever she invaded Lightning's brain case I get shunted to some far corner with the child hood toys, and memories of how to smile.

"So, you gonna do something about it?"

I was. But I'm more inclined to ram you through now.

"I was. But I figured I'd ask you some questions before I start bloodying up the place."

"Hehe, but that's not nearly as much fun."

Hand on my heart, and don't tell anyone this, but I swear I would actually just like to join in. But Light would never forgive me, and I live in her head, so it's not like I can just go ignoring her when she decided to give me a rant on the value of romance and true love and blahdeblahdeblah.

"Can we keep talking outside?"

"Does that mean you're not gonna start cutting up bodies?"

No. It means I want to be able to give Lightning a good reason why I killed a dozen people she just spent 12 days saving when she gets back from her vacation to "Mom and Dad still being alive land".

"Yes."

Lumina follows me out of the room skipping like a schoolgirl just asking to get a face kicking by a girl who really doesn't like skipping, after I give red head a smack that would knock out a behemoth on every kind of upper under the sun.

Once outside the newly named den of cravens, I give Lumina the best "don't fuck with me" look I can muster and say,

"What's happening in there?"

She gives me her best annoying little prat look and says,

"A demon did it."

"A demon?"

"Yup. A big demon appeared not long after you saved the world and started messing up your fine work. It's not just Fang and her posse, he practically lobotomised all those bandits you saw on the way in, and he turned everyone in Yusnaan into yarn."

"That's impossible! "

"No, it's just highly improbable."

"Well, how do I stop it?"

"Kill the demon I guess?"

"You guess?"

"I dunno, I don't know anything about demons or demonic curses."

"Well, where can I find this demon."

Now her eyes get really mischievous.

"I'll show you, but on one condition."

Oh dear God. Lumina asking for a condition is like a bear asking for honey. He doesn't _ask _and he bites off the hand you're giving it to him with.

"I want to join in with you and Fang after you break the curse."

And then it turns you around, carves a hole in your underwear and fucks you with its giant bear dick.

"No."

Again, I really wouldn't mind, but I imagine Light might have something to say if I agree to fuck some girl who looks like her dead sister.

"Then I won't show you where the demon is."

Ahhh, decisions, decisions. Agree, and get to fuck Lumina _and _Fang, with Lumina's whole loli-thing and Fangs whole tomboy thing I'll have every button being pushed at once. But, and this is a big but, I will hear about it, for the rest of time, from Lightning.

_Hey._

Oh, woah. Your back, sup Light?

_Do whatever you have to do to kill that demon._

Wowie. Even if it means fucking your little sister?

_For the love of God don't say it like that. And she isn't my sister._

She looks like it.

_Just do it._

Sure. Hey, you wanna take over? I'm gonna feel weird with you in the backseat giving me pointers the whole time.

_No, I, I… I'm not up to this._

Fair enough.

"Alright Lumina. You have a deal. You show me where the demon is, **and **help me kill it, and I fuck you and Fang at the same time."

"Yay! I just knew you'd agree Light, I just knew it! Ohhhhh, we are going to have so. Much . FUN! Alright I'm gonna teleport the both of us, so hang on!"

As she talked, Lumina jumped on me, wrapping her legs around my waist, and arms around my neck, all the while giving me a stare of pure lust.

This was going to be the best day I've had in a while.

* * *

I was watching the entire scene unfold from my spot in the Ark with the strangest boner I have ever had when I heard it. A scream to cut through time a space and rend eardrums everywhere from the owners and send them running off a cliff with a pack of hungry gorgonosopids at the bottom. Vanille had somehow found her way into the Ark and must have been watching the monitors while she saw her best friend getting gangbanged, kind of, by a bunch of horny bandits. The scream came after Lightning teleported away with Lumina, I guess it kind of snapped her out of her trance.  
Now she was on her knees, head resting in her hands on my lap, painfully close to my teenage boner, and crying her eyes out in a way only Vanille can manage. A way that is infinitely punishing to anyone in earshot, and intensely arousing to anyone who's dick she happens to be nearly touching with her soft round lips. And yes I was masturbating, and yes I am completely aware how disgusting that is. Honestly, being a teenager was hard enough, but going from full blown adult getting some whenever he felt like it to teenager again messes with a guy's hormones.  
Now, Vanille wasn't showing any signs of calming down, and my head was still rock hard so I did the only thing a guy would do in this situation. I grabbed her by the shoulders, and I kissed her. Her tears and saliva mixed together; she didn't really respond at first, but soon she returned my kiss with equal vigor. It didn't take long for her clothes to start coming off, revealing her young, nubile, naked body. She sat in my lap, my dick sliding into her, and as we began to fuck properly, her small, beautiful tits bouncing in front of my face, I swear I could feel God himself watching, and judging.

* * *

Hope everyone enjoyed this one. Reviews are always welcome.  
Oh, and there was another reference in there. Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy this time.  
Next time!


End file.
